my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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