I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
