We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
