SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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