i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
