You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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