if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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