So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
