WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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