Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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