why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
