my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
