His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
