i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
