If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
