i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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