What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
