My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
