what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
