that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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