oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
as a side note pls kill me
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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