the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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