maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
