party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
is it fun? or sober?
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