I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Floor bacon is actually really good
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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