Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
