isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
