Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
