no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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