im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
