We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
as a side note pls kill me
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
