He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
