it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
