If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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