Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
