If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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