Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
