i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
