I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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