I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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