i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
