you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i need some magic done to my vagina
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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