3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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