She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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