There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
