i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
