he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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