I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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