I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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