Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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