There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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