Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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