How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
