you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
