soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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