I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
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