its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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