she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize