break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
