I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
