I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
