i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
