Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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