tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
