Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
