I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
