were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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